I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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