There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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