umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And the cops told us we were all naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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