I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
