I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
