Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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