ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
