Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
