Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize