so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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