Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
