i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
