my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize