Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
