you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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