I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
