Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
