Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
