turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
