Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
