I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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