So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
