dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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