Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
