I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
