how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
