So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
