Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize