Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Green mimosas i think yes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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