I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
