So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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