There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if only i could text you this smell
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
