meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
