just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
