I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
