Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
