I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
