I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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