well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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