Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
