Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
