update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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