There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
