He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
