And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
