Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
