you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize