just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Two words: nipple clamps
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