We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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