Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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