i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
