My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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