Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
