You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
even my farts smell like vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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