I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
