everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
