Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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