Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
