Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
