First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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