Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
