glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
