Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Enjoy the penises
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
