Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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