You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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