My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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