i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
