I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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