ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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