My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
