The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
