Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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