I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
