he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
