hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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