Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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