My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
