Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
