i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
