At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
