Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
