Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize