he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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