I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize