You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
