apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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